The cycle

What cycle?

God knows... just a word coming out of my mouth....

If I am to guess... I guess it might have something to do with the healing cycle.... while the end of the cycle means nothing more the beginning of recovery.... and there will never be an absolute cure...

All that I have done in my life up to these few months, I guess, is, possibly, a constant process of preparation.... partially, aiming to prepare me to complete the cycle.... at least for this round...

This is why... all them triggering events are but triggering events.... except for, although I love the department I work for to death.... I still got a "HUGE" beef with the institution that threw me out of the window after I got disabled.... oops... zen moment... zen moment... lol

As I was finishing up my posting about them Circle last night... I paused a bit as I was typing out the sentence....

"what else in my head could be taken away other than air?"

There is apparently an essential component that is missing in all these internal dialogue...

After all them spinning around surrounding them abstract and obscure concepts, it is time to be grounded... in carne and in ozzo... facing the material world within which we reside.... such as revisiting the Dasein associated with the jobs I have never landed on in potentials and in imaginations...

So I was in some strange situation within which dialogues were "codified"... sort of like the the externalization of mine delusions in real world... 8-O lol

This is, yet, the perfect situation shall it be the missing link leading towards the completion of the cycle.... and it is the perfect test for all that I have been blah blah blah about all these times...

It is about a job while I am at work... 8-O lol

Taking all things into consideration, if what I think is true, it would be the perfect solution for the scenario.

(Now I guess you understand what I mean by codified... 8-O lol)

Then, there came this sense of great relief and happiness.... for something tells me that it is all about myself... (although I can't quite tell you what it means yet... 空: 反觀諸己)

On my way out for a smoke, I heard this voice... "Time to complete the cycle."

On my way home, I started to feel the coldness coming down through my palms...

And, later on, as I was getting down to the park, the voice officially announced, "Time for a full blown psychotic episode and the remaining is simply recovery."

and...

是福不是禍, 是禍避不過.

So I started to let the body move....

Feeling the coldness coming down throughout... while living myself in the Dasein moments of blood, death, pain, voices, delusions... etc.... and, thank God, now I sort of acquired a mental model about how them Desein moments work... 8-O lol

On my way home was the time when I was told... give it some time to let it run through before upping them dosage...

So I thought later... perhaps and hopefully, this is what they called 瞑眩反應 ..... while the coldness is still coming out...

And, this is why I thought... think I am crazy? You got me wrong.... for what an Understatement with a capital U... 8-O lol