200 mg

As I promised the doctor, I went back to 200 mg last night... to keep my words...

Today, thoughts ran slower as I could observe... and... perhaps... less generative...

Looking back at the 150 mg day, I could identify two or three scenarios within which events such as scenes on TV are read as signs related to real life...

This calls for a reality check because, my experiences so far tells me that when one starts to develop parallel realities about life or what you might call multiple theories about real life... it's a problem.

Today's observation calls me to work on sticking to clarified facts... ignoring synchronicity and all signs to keep me sane and functional? It is because the interpretation of signs are perfect ingredients for the development of delusional systems. An inescapable burden.

I will not allow myself to risk my sanity in the pursuit of functionality if I can... and I have to remind myself from now on...

However hard it might be... I will try...

This is the exact reason why the shrink is worried about further dosage change... and why even I am taking it slow...

Back to the question... what if I continue to feel dissociated and blah blah blah as mentioned in earlier postings after the dosage is lowered?

At this point and at this low dosage... I guess I have no problem switching drugs as suggested by the doc... maybe there is something true that after 7-8 years... Seroquel no longer works the way it used to work and we simply have to start looking for an alternative medicine... Yet, not my issue really at this moment...

Except for... I don't want to go back to Risperdal because it makes my body shake involuntarily and uncontrollably all the times... like what I had witnessed what my uncles did in their entire life.... (unless that was simply the manifestation of the blockage of Xi? Whatever...)

I don't know what other people learned and did today...

One of the few things I learned today and might change tomorrow...