Conscience

Later, mom shared some of the lady's stories with me... 

The rehab

The doctors to the lady to put one coin  in one hand and two coins in the stronger hand so as to train her strength.  She got impatient and wanted to do more... One day, she decided to hold 100 dollars (10 taiwanese dollar is sort of the same weight as a quarter in US) and it didn't do no nothing good to her body.

The trauma

She was so devastated about what was going on.  She wanted to get run into by a bus and end her miserable life.  Yet, she was afraid what was to happen to the driver for da driver would have to carry with his/her life the responsibility for her death.

I could sort of understand... the things one might have to go through upon impact... through "upon" has its duration... not simply a point in time.

Her story reminded how I wanted to jump into the Hudson river in a winter's night when I first became a immobile depressive psychotic in excruciating pains.

The only problem...

I was physically incapable of bringing myself to the waterfront.... especially all them slopes and stairs.

In addition, it was too cold... I might have been frozen to death when trying to bring myself to the water.... especially when the cold makes me move even slower...

Also, it would not have been nice to be a floater to scare the hell out of them people enjoying the serene view afforded by nature.

This is why I am busting my head nowadays trying to figure out... how on earth could I be happy without happy pills this time? 8-O lol sigh