What are you going to do?

During my visa interview, my 門神, the US immigration officer asked a question like the following....

"What are you going to do with all these degrees?"

I replied, "A professor, I guess."

For a moment, it was no longer an immigration officer I was facing... rather, a career counselor... lol

The matter of the fact is that....

There was a point in time when all that I want is to be a top-notch academic in whatever topic I was interested in....

I was more than dedicated into the thing called scientifically based research.... so very dedicated that, one winter's night, under the influence of a concussion, I went back to the school that has been closed to work on a publication manual. And, that concussion was acquired because I slipped and felt when attempting to get back to the school that has been closed.

I wanted to be a "professor" and be a guru like those gurus recognized in the field.

How I used to have so much passion and belief in these pursuits...

Yet, I don't know when and I don't know how....

What was once a life's goal to die for gradually ceased to be appealing to me....

Perhaps, it has something to do with the fact that... I hit a wall...

I struggle and struggle.... yet, I just can't find a way to bridge the gap among theories, research, methodology, practice and actual implications.

It is sort of the same problem I had...

when failing to visualize the regression line when looking at the formula...

when reading about mental model theory but not able to envision a model in a multidimensional plane...

Worse of all, I came to realize that I don't really want to be forced to publish articles and reciting others' work for the sake of meeting that publication quota. Not to mention, look at how I write in this blog, I am not really that kind of material doing the academic kinda writing. Let along I can't honestly tell people in my journal articles that 99.999...% I really have no idea what I was talking about. 8-O lol

In addition, to be honest, those professors seem to be too smart and studious... (guess I am just lazy lol ooops...)

So, I guess, this is the reason why, for the past few years, I tried and tried to escape from a life in academia although I still live in it.

So, the night before the Visa interview, I pray and pray to every kinda possible supreme power I could conceive of.

Among all the words of 碎碎念, I gave my words to whoever it is...

I said, "Let me go back to finish my unfinished business. If you let me to it, I will do everything you want me to do including (oh, no) going to be a professor and work hard on publishing as many journal articles as possible."

Then, the voice called telling me something like...

"You have been given enough slack to do whatever you want to in your own way. Now it is time to do it while facing the constraints." (Insinuating I have been given the opportunity to write in my own way through my blog. Now I have to also do it by the official code of conduct.)

Then, the immigration officer the question popped...

"What are you going to do with your degrees?"

I didn't even have the time to react when this most unlikely answer came strait out of my mouth (unless I am a liar so very skilled)....

"A professor, I guess."

How I gave my words out loud so very lightly--- I know not...

The only thing I know is...

My dear 門神, such an answer, approved... and so the visa...

So, if I tell you that the step next to thanking everyone is to find a position as a professor, and, shall I retire one day as a professor, you will know the reason why.....

It is because, once upon a time, a visa was issued to me to get back to the states to finish my unfinished business.... including taking care of that room of mine that I have been paying rent to raise mosquitoes? 8-O lol

And, did I tell you that... when I decided to study psychology back in the college, the decision was made because, in the TV program "the Wise guy," the main character Ken Wall had a mental break down and FBI sent him to see a psychologist.... Ya, that's the real reason why I did not go to study to become a dentist, a physician, a mathematician, physicist, etc... lol

(BTW, since this Mr. 門神 has such an important role in my time so far, wonder whether he is available? lol)