Stars

I must have mentioned this before many a time... yet, since it occurs to me again....

As you know, I am extremely well endowed with a lot of funny kinda abnormal experiences... including hearing voices, which are presented in verbal channel" and feeling "thoughts," which, I guess, are very much similar to what people might call "insight" and drawing from our prior knowledge.

It is not necessary for hallucinations and my overflowing "insights" to come hand in hand all the times. However, very often, when hearing my voices, those "I know" kind of feeling or "insights" kind of thing would pop up as a means to further interpret the contexts of my voices.


For instance, earlier this evening, I stood in the balcony, looking into the sky.

For the first time in this past 2 and half months, I saw stars clustering at a corner of the sky. It started from my spotting one only... then... two, three, four.... stars... or I realized that the stars finally spotted me. lol (I knew kind of feeling)

I saw them and they saw me. (I knew kind of feeling)

No soon longer did we spot each other.... raising from the bottom of my hear (sort of like the area of my chest) was this really feeling--- well, sort of feel like... I was really moved... touched by the sight of these stars.

Then, there was this feeling that something came up from my heart, came out from my mouth, and rose back up to them stars--- be it pressure, 氣, or whatever else...

I heard the stars to me speak... (or when listening to the voices I heard, I interpreted the words as coming out from the stars)

"You have been looking at the wrong thing. It is the stars you are looking for." (insinuating not that shiny planet)

"We have been guarding you, protecting you, and it has been us talking to you all these years." (the star related comments might have something to do with the theory that each 元神 is a star-- something already existing in my prior knowledge)

In addition, I also got this message that I have been receiving so very often that... life is about to change and it is about your time to shine. (here goes grandiosity and guess the concept of 空 was, then, instantly, oops... flew over the top of the roof.... and ego zuhause--- speaking of delusions and hallucinations as the honest manifestations of our subconsciousness... lol)

The following image appeared in my mind....



The following understanding, subsequently, surfaced..... the understanding of why I have been drawn to expressions concerning stars throughout all these years... such as the picture above and the expression "Stick you head in the sand and keep reach for the stars." This is why I kept on having the feeling that, in as much as I try to search for a purpose in life, I can't seem to be able to find it... It is because, there really is something, just it's not yet time till that point of the journey when the answer already in hand is bound to be understood. (e.g., The meaning of uselessness)

It could be like what the concept of the mental models to me... I might have thought that, the concept of mental models, I knew it... Except for, when the time is ready, I am faced with my own insufficient understanding of the concept when forced to honestly acknowledge my limited appreciation of the answer itself-- mental model it is. (See 英英美代子 and constructivist learning )

It also could be like the theory of preparation.... within which all things I have been through aim to prepare me for something.... except for it is dependent on me to get myself ready... for that big unknown I have been prepared for, and, believe it or not... it is not very easy to get yourself ready for something you have no inkling about. (see Preparations and Preparation: On 英英美代子)

(And, the above "understanding" appeared in the format of an insight shall you understand them run-on sentence).

Ok, I know I have gone on for a while now and let's get back to the initial title of stars.

Could you believe it... all the mumble jumble I 碎碎念 about which accounts for about 95% of this posting came from one simple event for the ordinary people and which could be described in one sentence.....

I saw some stars tonight.

Speaking of the multiple interpretations of the same artifacts..... and, guess this is why I have no time to publish scientificaly based research... (It's not me... It's my head... 8-O lol)