The price of being stubborn

I was hanging out with some friends at a Cafe today...

Among us, only one was born an American with the other three of us from Africa, Asia and Europe.

We spoke of the many things experienced by Aliens like us.

We also spoke of how my application for the US visa got denied first and granted, later--- while the common wisdom says that... once a denial, forever a trouble. 8-O lol

At some point, I was told that the lady I newly met today is a holistic healer... and that opens up a different line of topic... is there such thing as the universal power or God's will?

The matter of the fact is that... so far as I am concerned, if the Visa had been granted way back in June and I made it back to attend the course early in July as planned, to date, I might still be crippled with a cane because it took me all the way into August to reach a state of recovery that allows me to walk, though with stops still, without a cane.

In a sense, however funny it might sound, I have to thank the US immigration for not having granted me the Visa back in June. Without that denial, I won't be, hopefully, trained well enough by the rehab doctor of mine in performing the swinging activities of mine...

Call me superstitious as you will... yet, after all that this past year and more, I can't fight but thinking---

Perhaps, it is true that all that had happened so far does have a good cause.

Perhaps, it is God's grace or the benevolent act of some universal power to shake my life up through that perfect fall.

Shall that fall have not occurred.... 14 months after...

I might still be hanging on to that job wishing it to turn full time-- the same job on which I got injured and, today, exist no more.....

I might still be trapped within the ordinary kind of psychotic ups and downs... wondering what it would be like- life, post my second major psychotic episode.

I might still be running up and down, thinking I am moving somewhere while, in reality, simply circling around like a doggie chasing its own tail....

Then, there came the fall.... a perfect fall...

A fall that turned the abstract real.... pain into pain and immobility into immobility.... (and this is why some people would call my condition as the manifestation of psychosomatization).

So I live through pain and immobility, and, more pain and immobility.... while, thrown to me, some more curve balls...

Denial of green card application....

Denial of treatment and the end of disability benefits...

Denial of visa...

En route and through my blog, I was even able to document each every step it took for me to make it into the cuckoo's house and to come out of it.... (some achievement I only wish to accomplish once... 8-O lol)

Then, this thought me told....

It takes no less than a perfect fall to shake me out of the state I had been trapped in, for someone stubborn as I am... sort of like 瞑眩反應, I guess.... 8-O

At the same time, there is no doubt that much have I gained through out the time after my perfect fall... all of them... I owe them all to the perfect fall engineered by God or any other kind of supreme universal power...

(Yet, it doesn't mean the institution is, morally, at no fault... the added gains I cooked up in my head are my added gains while your fault is still your fault although there is nothing I could do and I will bother myself about it... remember how the song goes... "God is watching us, God is watching us, from a distance" 8-O lol--- oh, God... did I just sin again? lol)