Why

After work and before I came home, I took a detour to do some more of my swinging activity by the park for a reason quite simple--- 5 hours straight, I worked on completing a task I have been assigned involving the entering and double-check of some data.

Nobody told me to do it 5 hours straight.

Nobody told me to get it all done by today.

If there is anyone at fault, it would be my own fault for I could not beat that obsessive compulsive propensity of mine to try to push things through once I start it.

So I stubbornly got it done and that's why I took it to the park again...

At some point, as I finally opened my eyes to see the world around, I saw the setting sun peeping through the trees.

Though that beauty should bring forth happiness and harmony...

What came to my mind was a question of a different kind...

"God, why did you send me back?"

Or, more appropriately, how would you allow me to spend more time on amounting to nothing simply due to strange propensity of mine wanting to finish what I started (ok, in addition to the tuition that has been paid. lol)?

They say the back log of H-1 visa is all the way into 2010... meaning even if I get a job today I might not be able to work until then.

Wouldn't you have foreseen such circumstances?

Don't you expect me to move on with my life some other way else?

If it is your will to make New York but a transitory stop and you shall know fairly well that stubborn nature of mine.... Haven't you stopped me me once? Why didn't you stop me for the second time (although I surely would still be bitching about you in that case)?

In my endless swinging... hopelessly I wondered...

"Take it outside of yourself and you will know why.." So I heard.

No longer is that good enough an answer for that might just be a situation dependent auditory hallucination-- far too habitual...

Then, I turned around, facing, in the distance, St. John the Divine in the sun...

I need an answer... tell me why... give me a sign to prove your existence for hearing your voice is but hearning voices (8-O lol)... so I asked.

For a while, there was silence and silence... and more silence as I swung on and on...

Then there came a simple word... "Green card." 8-O

"So predicted your delusions the very first time. It was just not yet time."

What the hell? So I thought...

No full time job to sponsor, no more money to do self-sponsor, no American man to get married to, and, no material for that green card marriage thing...

How on earth am I gonna get a green card?

So as I was typing out the paragraphs about... this thought to me came...

"It will only come when you no longer want it for the same reason you had wanted it before."

And.. I wonder... even if I really get a green card, will I doubt the existence of God no more?

(And, chances are... if God really exist and what God says after reading this posting is... none of the above has anything to do with me... or maybe you should consider a career in creative writing instead to make the best use of your talent... 8-O lol)




(Oh.. My God... this video is so very 那卡西.... 8-O lol)