Dissolved

Just realized that I shouldn't lie down for at least 30-45 minutes after taking my anti-inflammatory drug... Might as well type these thoughts down...

I thought of Ratology-Down with meds once in a while.

As time goes by, Ratology starts to dissolve like bubbles into the air...

What I mean is that... the goals, the pursuits, and the needs to prove something to someone.

I thought I have had my postings all backed up but somehow could not find them on this computer. Hopefully, it is still in the jump drive in the office.

Then, I thought, even if all documentations are lost... it is fine.

There is a reason why the past shall be the past so that the future could move into sight.

Then, the thought of all the things that got me so very worked out in the past few years or since I could remember led me to think about the concept of local minimum/global minimum and local maximum/global maximum. Although what is preferable is the global solution, how could we see the importance of global without the contrast of the local?

Then, I had another thought...

This is so funny a feeling... when no longer I feel the need to prove myself to be someone of some worth, when no longer does it matter where I shall land this coming fall (yet, because I took the whole year medical leave, I shall be back in NYC to finish my unfinished business), and, when no longer do things matter because all seem dissolved...

This is when you look back and say-- other than the 0.1 percent I talked about yesterday-- there is not really too much to life... 8-O

Then, I think back to myself again... how much of it is contributed by your gotten hit by a truck kinda depressive state and how much of it is the side effect of the seroquel and depako?