twilight zone

This must have been one of the years that I have been most afraid of cold.

When people are walking around as if it is spring, I would still be bundled up as if it were in a winter's night, a traveller...

When my sister came to visit, she came to the conclusion that-- walking at ordinary people's pace, our bodies could generate heat... however, at the pace I move, no wonder it is cold...

Yet, somewhere in my mind, I still have the feeling that something might be sort of off in the place that regulate the body temperature...

So, last night, I went down another 250 mg on Depako--- in other words, I took 200 mg Seroquel and 1000 mg Depako only in total.

Around 6-6:30 today, I started feeling sort of flaky in the head and fairly restless. Since I can't jump onto my gym machine yet, the best I could do is to walk around the hallway twice to release some energy.

Along the way, I prayed (ya, despite me no religious) for God's help and the help from any source possible...

When I got back to my room, I knew I have to do something to keep my head focused... so I started posting things for sale on ebay.

Then, it was around 7-ish, when I started to feel some bodily kind of sensation--- it felt as if my body is icy cold, while, at the same time, the speeding of my heart rate and the tremor of the body makes it felt like as if I were to have an anxiety attack (while ordinary psychotic might interpret it as some attach from some paranormal sources).

Mama was taking a nap.

When I stopped making postings on ebay and stared at the box of my dear rubber stamps, thinking of I forget what, she all of a sudden woke up and asked me, "What are you doing?" 8-O lol

I didn't want to lie and I didn't want to tell the truth. So I told her, "selling things on ebay."

This is a bit stressful, I thought to myself.

I went to smoke a cigarette and, to warm up, I went to the kitchen to make myself a warm cup of tea.

While boiling water using the microwave, I stared at the microwave while feeling the coldness coming to my lungs each time I breathe and waves of coldness coming down my arms, forming "cold energy ball," as psychotics might interpret it as.

In the mean while, I thought to myself... shall there really be such thing as insanity in medical dictionary, I must be in the twilight zone since the phenomenology coexist in my world. 8-O

Then, I had this visualization in my head of a bunch of M&M like neurotransmitters getting up to play... thinking... this is what is happening...

I tried to persuade my head to accept another more soothing picture.... M&Ms in club meds, leisurely doing nothing practicing this thing called social loafing while sipping their strawberry Margarita for me... lol

Still having to wait another 3 hours until my time for meds... let me get back to my ratological occupational therapy called... putting things for sale on my ebay store. lol sigh