Ode to Magical thinking

Magical thinking is one of the indicators for patients with mental illness in that the patients often think themselves or other people could have paranormal powers.

I had mentioned this earlier...

When thinking back, yet, not looking back again today, I thought to myself-- based on my estimation, the worsening of my mental status might have already started to occur all the way back to end of the Summer or early in fall.

What took it so long for the acute psychotic episode to finally unveil way into January?

What could have carried me for so much longer?

I, then, opted to the potential existence of paranormal abilities...

Perhaps, there are people with some abilities ordinarily not appreciated by existing science and, at certain point, they have to let go of that desire to keep my conditions from spiraling down because it is my time and it is just too much for them to handle.

Or, perhaps, it is purely the collective good wills that have been unwittingly transformed into the healing power that had supported me along the road.

I don't really care whether such an irrational rational is true or not.

It is like the beliefs that lead gamblers and athletes to do whatever they do before game play, such a thinking has some soothing power--

You might call it religious yet I don't go to church--

you might call it spiritual but I am now more afraid of calling God bad names than feeling connected with him.

One thing I know is that, shall paranormal abilities be part of this chapter, thank you for helping me carrying on along this trip and showing me the lessons.

Please keep on doing what you have been doing since I am now tired of carrying on the load myself... In addition, shall you keep on practicing, your influence might become one day--- global! 8-O Wow...

Shall such thing exist not, well, the last time I check I am still on really high dosage meds for antipsychotic kinda meds and it never hurt to show appreciation anyway. lol

Such a posting could, I guess, be a manifestation of my fear, again, about-- where could one turn to shall modern meds fail?