Third day on 750 mg Depakote

It is very nice feeling to wake up in the morning seeing the sunlight and the heaviness on the chest and the lethargic kinda feeling is sort of going away, I think.

This is the third day for the dosage of Depakote to go down by another 250 mg...

I had come out from the cuckoo's nest taking 1500 mg of Depakote (mood stabilizer) in addition to either Seroquel or Risperdal (antipsychotic drug). In other words, controlling for the amount of antipsychotic drugs I take, within a month, the dosage of depakote has gone down by 750 mg or 50% percent so far.

Based on my personal expressions, too much of either mood stabilizers and antipsychotic drugs often brings me to a state of depressed mood. Since the last thing I want to do in life is to add even more drug to my system such as increasing the dosage of zoloft (antidepressant), it is a preferable alternative for me to see the decrease of downers (mood stabilizer, antipsychotic drugs)rather than the increase of uppers (antidepressant).

At the same time, the fleeting positive symptoms also give me the scares and makes me feel like walking on thin ice as I struggle day by day to cut down on the dosage of the meds to reclaim the functional part of my head while knowing I am only about 1 month apart from the cuckoo's nest.

During my last meeting with my psychiatrist, I wanted and want to try to cut the Depakote down to 500 mg this week because my head just won't start up and it does not feel so good to be disabled both physically and cognitively.

I said to my doctor, "It's been a month and I can't get my head back (let along the body)."

My shrink provided an alternative view, "It's only been a month."

He wants me to cut down by 250mg only and takes it slow.

Yet, I want to move on with my live and I am done with this Patience thing.

Then, this song came up again to my mind...

Life on the inside is not all that hip...

Life on the outside also is not all that it's cracked up to be (although I know that, when comparing to many other of my folks, I am much luckier because I have a job to go back to for my occupational therapy and... OK... tho cases in the following song shall really still be locked up in my biased opinion...).

Let the loonies loose
BB and The Medicine Men

(By the way, I don't think the lyrics below is applicable to my fellow patients. I believe they are people who do no harm to the others--- just gifted like me... Please read not simply at the surface level and think of their struggles to reenter the society. The majority of psychotic patients I have known do not fit into how psychotics are portraited in the media.)

It was a sunny afternoon in the middle of a springtime week
We were all painting pretty pictures and waiting for our daily pills
Then this pensive little nurse walks in with a message in her hand
She says she has an announcement -
so we all gather around and hear these magic words

(GIRL) Boys, you're free to leave
They're blaming it on the economy
So get your things and follow me
The time has come to turn the asylum key

We walked right out,in single file
All dressed in white, going out in style
All kinds of sickos wearing different kinds of smiles

Bye bye Bob (GIRL) Roadside Strangler (Deep voice)
Gonna miss ya, Billy Child molester
Later..... uhhhh, Jack Grandfather Raper
Charlie... please return that jacket Diagnosis undefinable

Well being back on the outside wasn't all that it's cracked up to be
Finding a job and a place to live with my resume wasn't easy
All my funny farm buddies were experiencing the same dilemma
So most of us kinda slipped back into our old ways - just like before

We walked right out, in single file
All dressed in white, going out in style
All kinds of sickos wearing different kinds of smiles

Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose
Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose.....
Cause we've got nothing to lose

Cable channels and tabloid papparazzis loved it
So did the writers, the publishers and the video chains
The massmedia was having a field day -
We were kinda celebreties
They were making movies, we were free
Everybody was happy -
Cause they had.........

Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose
Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose.....
Cause we've got nothing to lose

Well, sometimes I kind of have my regrets,
I know I hurt some folks like real bad
But society has no place left for me and it needs to cutback all its excess fees
So now I'm the regular guy down the street -
Hey kids, Want some candy????

Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose
Let the loonies loose......
Let the loonies loose.....
Cause we've got nothing to lose

Copyright & Publishing Misty Music SWEDEN