Somapsychotic

A good friend of mine asked me today when we were hanging for a bit...

What happened before my hospitalization and what were the implications?

Essentially, the condition seemed to have started to go downwards for a while.

Then, the severity, including both frequency and impact, of the symptoms gotten worse, which made the severity even worse.

The inability to sleep not only allowed my head to rest not. In addition, all those hours of insomnia were also perfect for the creation of delusions, which created even more stress and stress made things worse.

It was amazing, though, that, all that it took was, perhaps, a couple of days before my sleeplessness in the city that never sleep, and, the 2 straight days of unable to fall asleep--- to flush my head down the toilette.

It is possible that... the amount of delusions and hallucinations created through the hours of sleeplessness might have exceeded the total amount I experienced in the past few years, not including the times when symptoms are more prominent.

Since about Feb. 10th up to today, March 9th, in about 1 month time, I have gone from gradually going into the even more coo coo side to so very well dosed up by all kinds of medications that I feel not so much positive symptoms (hallucinations and delusions) and lesser severity of pain (since the antidepressants and antipsychotic drugs also blocks the neurotransactions relating to pain perception).

My doctors asked me... what happened?

I looked back to June 19th, 2007, on which day, I was in a meeting and fell in sitting position from a chair that collapsed under me.

Before that, my mental condition might go up and down but with a smaller amount of variance.

Then, there came the accident... I was in pain. I was immoble. There was the talk of psychosomatization and conversion disorder because, given my psychiatric profile, some people think it is my mind causing the perception of pain and contribute to the mobility problem.

Then, sometime last week, it occurred to me....

Perhaps, it is the inverse... it is not psychosomatic.

For me, it is Somapsychotic---

I have tried to use my head, yes, to control the physical pains so hard that... at some point, the brain finally gives up.... after I went back to work again and imposed on my brain both stress on my dear M&M like neurotransmitters such as dopamines (shall this theory hold true) excessive amount of work in both pain perception and work-related stress.

Other people might fall into the dire of depression, which I have done in the summer of 2007.

My physical condition also drove me psychotic even more... "somapsychotic"-- the conversion of conversion disorder etc. lol

Not my issue any more and I will just leave them to the experts... since now I am just gonna move on to technologies and craft (shall you be able to call that art).... that shall be the next chapter of my life's journey.