realization kinda thing

I think that, a lot of times, we try our best to defer our understanding about things because the acceptance makes us feel not so good. Psychoanalysts might call it repression or suppression or whatever-pression.

While, at the same time, it could simply be our propensity for selective attention-- in that we select to attend to the information we want to attend to despite of all evidence presented right in our face although sometimes it might take some minor amount of rationalization to link them together. I suspect that, when one finally decide to accept the existence of and take a look at additional evidence as well as to finally make the link, that might be the point of realization, could be called epiphany, or, any other words along this them.

It must have taken my mom about 10 years until she confronted me about my smoking habit. It is amazing how she had come and stayed with me through out all these years but never questioned why I smell like smoke at times.

Today, I told her about how I had never seized to experience delusions and hallucinations since my second hospitalization since 5 years ago. Although she knew I have been on meds, she seemed to be fairly surprised by the fact that I had never grown out of being psychotic.

When I was hanging out with a friend two weeks ago, this friend of mine hypothesized that, one of the reason why my ex-guy-to-get-married-to disappeared might have something to do with his final realization that... oops... she is psychotic and what it be like to be with something like her till the end of the time. Ouch... lol sigh
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