Harasement

I hate asking people to do things... the same time... again and again... especially in the lack of responses...

Guess this is why yesterday was so exhausting...

I had to contact multiple locations only to obtain some stupid medical records about my psychiatric problems for a purpose that I don't even whether would serve anything at all... while something stubbornly insists me on pushing through with it despite of the fact that I have mostly lost all steam or in simply a steamless state...

See, even if my status really gets reinstated, it would only carry me to next spring to allow me to finish up the course work... not to mention that if a negative response comes down, after all these headaches, I would simply have to pack up and leave... unless miracle happens and I either find a full time job or a husband. Or better yet both since they are not mutually exclusive. Simple as that. 8-O lol sigh

Why trying so hard still? I have no idea.

Yet, something just keeps on pushing me forward as if it just has to be done and I can't escape and defy it... oh.. no...

So I contacted them and contact them...

One person at a time trying to figure out whether this is the real person and trying to decipher which part of the records I am speaking of....

Since I have been playing phone tags with my shrink, I had to make myself leave multiple message trying to convey to him the urgency of the issue since, fucked up as I am in the head, it would take at least some work for the medical records to be prepared since June 2007... considering my head did take me back to the hospital in February 2008 and got worst again in Fall 2008....

Once is charm...

Twice is old...

Having to do it even more time... that makes me feel that I am really heading towards a harassment law suit.... 8-O

Yet, so is the reality in life.... sometimes.... so they say... you just have to push and push some more so that it could be done...

At the same time, just because you push and harass people as much as possible... something it just doesn't work at all especially when you also feel that pushing too much might result in rebound....

This is the point when you wish... if only self-reliant could be sufficient in all business in life...

All the phone messages I left on my shrink's machine lead me to ponder...

"So could such efforts be deciphered as the instability of the mental condition?!" 8-O

Or... simply insanity?

The pain involved with the harassing moments of everyday life... sigh

And.. perhaps... the moral of the lesson... the insufficiency of self-reliance-- necessary but insufficient?

If you don't quite understand what I am talking about here... let's look for a analogy that might help you to relate to... surface information might be different but... I guess.. the structure is there...

So I cry... I pray... I beg... 8-O lol sigh