He's just not all that into you

Told my friend that my ex never called... She recommended the movie "He's just not that into you."

Nice chick-flick I guess... speaking of rules and the dream to be an exception.... 8-O lol

Regardless, might have saved me many a grief shall I have watched this film years earlier....

"If a guy treat you like shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit."

"But that's the exception. We are not the exception. We are the rules."

Dumping messages from guys...

"I don't wanna stand in your way."

"You are perfect. I just need to work on myself."

"I am just thinking of your happiness."

"I don't deserve you."

"I am so jealous of the guy who is to marry you."

A girl will never sleep with you if....

"She takes a dump in your bathroom."

"She takes home leftover on date one, two or three."

Modern time dating headache

"And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals... just to get rejected by seven different technologies."

Insane minds

"Why do women do this? Build up this stuff in their minds, take each little thing a guy does, and then twist it into something else?"

In addition, if a guy likes you, he will produce himself in front of you regardless.... golden rule...

On a second thought... wouldn't have come up with the following drafted years back... cheesy as it might sound... still touches my own heart.... insane as it might have been then and now... dramatic if not traumatic... the unbearable chickenness in life.... Funny enough... 15 years apart and I haven't changed much... No wonder they say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks?! 8-O lol sigh

Waking up in the morning, I saw the weather had changed. I was wondering how cold it would be this year. Would it be colder or milder? I cannot choose nor do I have the power to decide the weather condition. The only thing I could do is to decide my own attitude towards the conditions. I am no pan-determinist but I apprehend that the truth that human being is not omnipotent.

Likewise, falling in love was just a state of mind. It made me anxious and somehow spoiled my life. Should I have stayed cool and calm, no extreme disturbance would have occurred and so much more work could have been done. Flirtation does no harm inasmuch the heart does not become involved. However, I betrayed my best interest and fell into a chaotic phase.

If I wanted to protect myself from being hurt by the same old scenario, I should have held back my affection, blockaded my emotions, and kept you away from my sight. Yet, I refrained from withdrawing. I refused to regress to the infantile stage of "out-of-sight-out-of-mind". I saw that, in the distant future, our fates would converge: not referring to our together-here-after-happy-life, but rather the inescapable end of our life journey. I could not bear seeing myself regretting when it is too late, the words I could have said and the things I could have done.

Some said that my thoughts are morbid and a smile is the response. For I always know that, if life is mortal and nothing lasts forever (not even diamond), I had better strive to live my life for significance. This belief gives me the strength to hold on. Out of the question, you or anyone else could not comprehend what could have and still sustain my faith in love, because neither could I. A friend of mine once questioned me, "How is it possible for you to be in love this way?" There is no easy answer. The only thing I can say, is......

Value does not push men to do a deed; it can only pull one to towards an action.

I have to be the one in charge of my fate, at least partially. Since the day that I realized the insufficiency of my being, I made up my mind to be what I want to be with all my might, disregarding the inevitable agony and distress. I want to be with you and it will always be the statement of my life. It reveals my cathexis in you, regardless my realization in the ultimate destiny, not death but aloneness. I know for sure that, before death, we can never avoid being alone. We will be sitting under the sunset, precipitating our demise. We might be surrounded by people, but still deemed to be alone, just like those in a nursing home.

You always asked me why I volunteered in places like the hospital where bereavement and suffering takes place. The scene might not be pleasurable yet insightful. There, I saw how ephemeral life could be and I learned how precious our infinitesimal life is. Such experiences might have reinforced my fixation in you. Thus, I promised myself that I would always cherish the time with you.

You know something? I am the one who is responsible for the inconsolable situation in which I am trapped. I did not withhold my feelings and just let it flow. I have to take my share of responsibility for the free-running emotion of mine. As a human being, I have the freedom to choose. The price I paid for this freedom is the obligation to commit myself to this engagement. Therefore, when I said to you that "I will be waiting for you", it was also a commitment to myself. I did not and still do not regret it, and, I surely will not. As long as I give myself this try, whatever the cost may be, I am making effort to authenticate my life. I would not be beshamed to confront myself and will not regret in the future having nothing done.

However, in bearing the responsibility, I am also making effort to prevent myself from being vulnerable. When I am responsible, I have the control to make the next movement rather than waiting for the stars to fall. It helps me be stronger. Thus, my days would not be like hell.

I am not like a tyrant. You have your own existence and you make your own choice. I could not force you to accept my affections as they are. I had set no ultimate goal for my trials since no one has power over his own destiny. I am no pan-determinist; however, I believe in fate. I had managed, and, will continue to push my fate some more, although I still do not know where it will go.

And, cheesy it might be... dasein's there... in me...