From sleepless to-- to live

It is funny to experience sleeplessness again last night.

As I have mentioned earlier on, all drugs I take affects the traffic of neurotransmitters and could help to kill pains, be it anti-inflammatory (Naproxen), antipsychotic (Seroquel), mood stablizer (Depakote) or antidepressant (Zoloft).

I tried to get of Naproxen for two days last week and found the pains started coming back... As a result, chicken shit like me got back to Naproxen again.

Then, there came the time to lower the dosage of Depakote... from which I am still adjusting.

The most annoying thing about the resurrecting pain nowadays is that... after being numbed all these times, this bad tooth of mine finally is coming up to haunt me with the thing called "tooth ache."

It might have something to do with coming back of the nerve pain at the cervical area.

Or, it might be just the poor tooth is now really getting sick.

So, last night, I took all my drugs and tried to fall asleep fast to get ready to my early morning shift at work.

Unfortunately, I tossed and turned and turned and tossed--- just couldn't fall asleep with the annoying tooth ache reminding me of its existence moment by moment.

I, then, decided to take an Aleve and went back to try to fall asleep.

Alas, the aching thing is gone. Yet, my head was still wide awake and clear as clear could be.

Lying there, I could not help thinking about those sleepless nights of delusions and hallucinations.

This round, despite some sentences I heard from an acquaintance, I did not really experiences too many of the positive symptoms. The only problem was I could not sleep.

It could be the tooth ache that was driving me crazy.

It could have something to do with the dosage.

It could also have something to do with all the tea I drank at dinner.

At some point, I found the relief from Aleve was fading off and I was painfully sleepless.

It was, then, when I got up and took one of the tranquiler Clonazepam.

It was after then did I finally fall asleep.

Then, I made it to work this morning... except for Clonazepam was still asserting its power during the majority of the day and made me extremely drowsy if not "sleepy."

To keep myself awake, I, of course, have to resolve to coffee, cigarettes, and anything that could contribute to "sugar high" to make it through the day.

Guess this is why I often ponder that all things I do to live kill me. (The ratological definition of paradoxical intention lol sigh)