Sunny but windy

It is sunny outside today but really windy.

I think it sort of reflects my state of mind.

I can't help smiling especially under the sun.... sunshine is always good for me.

I can't help thinking like an old monk in the mountain... if you know what I mean... Yet, in the back of my head, I know it is not yet my time to see the world and life through the eyes of Mr. Monk because such worldview is not developmentally appropriate for a 36-year old--- such is crying out loud for the wind of change...

This is one thing I tried to address with my shrink today.

Then, later in the day, I asked myself... so what do people in their 30s and 40s thinking about?

I try to look inside of my own head and I find air and nothing more... 8-O lol

I looked at people around me and they all seem to be very enthusiastic about things... and I asked myself this question...

It was an intensive life skill learning process for me to reach this strange state of mind--- 空.

Since it is not yet my time to return to the mountains, I need to find my way back to be a 36-year old... with desire, goals and all else unidentified, within the range of moderation.

Also, the reason why it is not yet might time to further dwell in the 空空 state of mind is because I haven't gotten enough of the life's wisdom to help me understand what this state entails... and half-understanding might lead one to go into the state of "the shine" (8-O lol).

In addition, as I have mentioned in my Ratology-Down with Meds blog in the posting 好了歌

世人都曉神仙好
唯有父母姊妺親朋好友
及泛泛紅塵忘不了
人都作不好
當神仙又有何了
送君千里終一別
至少我會伴你瀟瀟灑灑的走一回
這也沒什麼不好
就算成不了事
最少伴你到我作古去了 8-O lol

So, through out the day, I try to figure out what I could do to reenter that "dasein" of a 36-year old and to put the 空空 state of mind on the shelf (while within reachable distance)...

I come up with the idea that... OK... I am going to start taking my mama bar hopping with me... lol